i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
