i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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