hell yes lets make some ravioli
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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