nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
