i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
