The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
