i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
