my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
