I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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