my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
