Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
