you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
