theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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