Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
