So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize