Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
