she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
