I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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