tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
