I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
