I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
