my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
