I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
