Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
