the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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