Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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