I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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