Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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