Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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