i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
