Did you just see the Batmobile???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
