the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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