I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize