you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
