Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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