Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
