tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
