Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Congratulations! We have a period
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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