I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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