I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
