so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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