Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize