I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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