We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
