is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
