Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
