I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
