I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
