This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
