return my video game
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
