the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
