i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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