My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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