You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
