dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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