you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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