i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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