u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
