i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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