their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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