I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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