oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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