i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Green mimosas i think yes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
