so explain again why im purple
no
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
