Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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