Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
