dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize