I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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