Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
