I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
