hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
