i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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