I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize